Just Breathe
by ElizabethSchuyler
Summary: Morgan deals with the aftermath of his torture with the BAU team. Set after "Derek." My first fanfic ever!
1. Chapter 1

Spencer Reid adjusted his jacket and prepared to walk into Morgan's hospital room excited to see his closest friend but also anxious about his condition. He opened the door and closed his eyes. When Reid opened them he saw Morgan in bed looking uncharacteristically weak, tired and sick. He wasn't used to seeing him like this. It was usually Morgan there to sweep in and save the day, but now Reid was Morgan's savior.

"Spencer!" Penelope said enthusiastically as she ran over and kissed him on the cheeks. Reid was thrown back into reality by her embrace as he stiffened awkwardly.

"I'm so happy to see you! He'll be happy to see you too! How is the case going? Got any leads? I think Savannah stepped out for a minute to get some food. It's the first time she's left since he's been here. So, sorry, I forgot, why are you here?" It was comforting to know Penelope was still her usual, enthusiastic self.

Reid shifted around, "Penelope, I need to ask Morgan about what happened so we can find the people behind this."

"Oh, no no no. This can't happen. He isn't ready for that yet. Look at him. He's so sick still."

"Penelope, you know we have to do this now when he can still remember the details. I just ... I don't think you want to hear this, okay?" Reid knew full well Penelope couldn't handle hearing what happened to Morgan. This was the girl who looked at pictures of puppies after brutal crime scene shots and acted like every case was her first. Knowing what had been inflicted on Morgan would crush her. He wasn't sure he was ready. All he knew was that he wanted to be there for Morgan and be his "pretty boy."

"When Savannah comes back, can you, uh, keep her outside as well? I promise it won't take too long."

"I understand. I can't even imagine ... I'd need hundreds of baby panda pictures." Reid tried to smile and laugh, but he too dreaded learning what truly happened to Morgan in that house.

Penelope left as Reid sat in the chair next to Morgan's bed. He took in the sight of Morgan asleep with a nasal canula. He couldn't remember a time he was his friend looking so fragile. He wanted to hold his hand but it was firmly bandaged. Reid gently shook Morgan's shoulder and spoke softly.

"Hey, Morgan? ... Derek?"

Morgan was breathing steadily and heavily. Besides the beeping of the machines, his breathing was the only sound filling the room.

"... pretty boy ..."

Reid breathed a sigh of relief and realized he was softly stroking Morgan's shoulder.

"Hi, Morgan."

"Where... is ss-savannah ... and ..."

"Morgan, they had to leave for this. I'm sorry. I know this will be hard for you, but we need to know exactly what happened."

Morgan was whimpering and breathing heavy at the thought of recounting his kidnap and torture. Reid continued to stroke his arm gently.

"It's okay, Morgan. It's okay."

Morgan began to speak.

*BREAK*

"And ... then he stabbed ... my hand and I fell. It hurt so ... I thought that ... and then someone ... sh-shot him."

"I shot him."

"Thanks, pretty boy. I ... wanted to see you again. You ... Penelope ... Savannah." Morgan's head fell to one side on his pillow and his eyes were now closed.

"Thank you, Morgan."

Reid felt a nauseating, burning pain in his stomach. He knew now. He knew how they beat him. He knew how they burned him and cut him. They tried to strip him naked. He had to neutralize the burns himself. He stabbed a man and dug through his stomach. Morgan had gone through unimaginable physical and psychological trauma. Reid's stomach burned and tossed. His breath was unsteady. Tears welled in his eyes.

Morgan had become upset periodically through the questioning. Morgan's "Oh, Gods" were met with comforting words and touch from Reid. Reid knew Morgan only did what he had to do to stay alive. They were trying to, no, they would have killed him. He was justified. He did what was right.

"Morgan, are you asleep?"

"It's okay, kid. I'm ... awake."

"Morgan, when you were on the stretcher you said something. I think it was about your father."

"He was there for me, my father, the whole time. ... I saw him. Pretty boy, I'm ... going to ... be a father. Savannah's ..." Morgan's voice trailed off.

"That's great! Congratulations."

"Reid ...?"

"Yes?"

"I can't do this anymore."

Reid said nothing and only continued stroking Morgan's arm. The sound of breathing filled the room.


	2. Chapter 2

It has been six days since Derek Morgan was kidnapped and tortured. He was still held up in the hospital. Better, but still weak. Numbers were on his mind. Four. The number of men who tortured him. Three. The number of days he was in a drug-induced stupor after the chemical burns and heart failure. Forty. The number of weeks in a full-term pregnancy. Two. His girlfriend and their son.

Names and events ran through his mind too. He constantly wanted to reassure himself he could stay in the BAU. Garcia was shot. She's still in the BAU. Hotch was stabbed and his ex-wife was murdered. He collapsed from internal bleeding. He's still in the BAU. JJ was tortured. She's still in the BAU. Reid was tortured and his girlfriend was shot. He's still in the BAU. It sounded funny in a morbid way when he thought about it. The BAU could form their own trauma support group.

Morgan's agonizing over his future was interrupted by a knock on the door and a squeak.

"Hello Morgan" Hotch said as he pushed the door closed. He was glad to get another visitor. Penelope and Savannah were gone temporarily buying some clothes to wear and to take him home in. He tried to protest that shirtless was a good look for him, but then his heart sank thinking about the burns and the bandages wrapped around his chest.

"Hotch! What brings you here?"

"I wanted to see how you're doing."

"Better," and Morgan tentatively added, "…. and hoping to find the men who did this to me."

"Morgan, with what happened no one expects you to return to work immediately. We're doing our best to find every person involved in this."

"That's the thing. I … After this case, I don't know if I can be in the BAU anymore. Savannah is pregnant. I can't be absent from our child's life. I want to find the men who did this, but this may be it for me."

Hotch exhaled and scooted closer in his chair. "I'd understand that, Morgan. I can't make you stay. Oh, and congratulations." A small smile appeared on Hotch's face. A special event, as getting a smile out of Hotch was like teaching a cat to follow orders.

"Hotch, is it alright to ask you something? I'm sorry if it is inappropriate."

He knew already what Morgan as going to ask. "It's fine, Agent Morgan." Hotch sighed knowing what was coming next.

"Why did you stay in the BAU with the stabbing and Haley?" Morgan wasn't sure whether Hotch was feeling empathetic and considerate or upset and offended.

"It was my son." Hotch paused and the room was completely silent. "I felt a duty to him to keep men like Foyet from hurting other people, other fathers or mothers. I wanted to protect my son."

Hotch stared at his hands. "What's done was done. I couldn't change what happened to me or Haley, but I could stop the same thing from happening again."

Morgan was silent.


End file.
